[Libre-soc-dev] 4390006088 22nov24 13:11

[lkcl]

On Friday, November 22, 2024, lkcl <luke.leighton at gmail.com> wrote:

> crying. pain. nose blocked. ears pop 13:15
> help

hello all,

to reassure everyone, today was a very mixed day of pain and
joyful moments. some very stupid and funny yet horrendously
painful, such as waving goodbye to a friend in his shop, and
having the metal door slam on my finger, cutting it. the
juxtaposition of enjoying his conversation yet being in such
chronic pain this morning, only to be back in pain for something
so stupid was itself enough to cause me to laugh sublimely.

i wanted to thank the people who listened, today. to the lady
who rang me from EC team, for her and especially the team
keeping your promise to call, i am most grateful.

to the doctor i saw today, once again thank you for listening,
and for kindly reassuring me that there have been reports
made regarding the observations from many doctors. i still
hold that the best person to provide objective information
about me is - unsurprisingly - me myself. however given the
brain damage and level of abuse and trauma i have been through,
it is i appreciate extremely difficult to get hold of that
information from me, requiring ultra-patience to take into
consideration the very same underlying medical conditions
which result in such catastrophic consequences if i feel
that i am not being heard.

the terror that i feel when i see signs that i am not being
heard induces an immediate physiological response, thanks to
the combination of autism and 16 years domestic violence.

the way forward is - *has* - to be for everyone to listen to
me, to reassure me that they are listening, and to follow
"empathetic listening" which involves repeating back a summary.
J of EC does this automatically, and i am so grateful.
Doctor, today 15:00, you did it as well, you listened, and
you informed me of progress: i cannot emphasise enough how
much that meant to me, knowing that i am not being left alone
given how much brain damage and abuse has occurred, for so long.

a hypothesis for you: that it is the autism - which comes with
the inherent long-standing "brain self-healing" ability
combined with my instincts and lack of social "rule-following"
that has made me a decades-long successful researcher, keeping me
alive - barely - all this time, but also having a tragic
side-effect of keeping my chronic symptoms BELOW the threshold
of detection by standard neurological testing!

an example is the FAST test (for strokes) which the Paramedics
kindly did last week. i was able to track the paramedic's finger,
but my eyes were DELAYED - behind the finger - by about 1/3
to 1/4 of a second. each of the tests was like that: i was able
to "pass" every single one of the FAST tests but in every test
there was a subtle anomaly.

i am often speaking in a child-like voice, or stuttering, but
if i sing i am able to overcome the slow or slurred speech,
and sing rapidly and without stutter. this is a WELL-KNOWN
sign of a stroke:

   https://www.google.com/search?q=singing+stroke+therapy

this should be something i get prescribed! not left to my
own devices, to pay for travel and pay for the cost of
attendance and training!

but first of course we need a diagnosis, and for that we need
the appointment... which i am most grateful to hear is due
once the neurophysiologist specialist has carried out some
initial triage.

lastly: i *do expect* the NP to listen to me. not to other people
who have a fractional observation with little to no history
or knowledge about me: this is how and why things have gone
catastrophically badly, and is why i have been subjected to
systematic abuse and torture, including from the dates 31st
march to 13th june which risked death and certainly caused
additional brain injury, organ damage, and psychological
trauma normally associated with warzones.

that ends.

i expect people to listen to ME, as i am the authority with
knowledge about me - nobody else is, particularly on such
extreme rare medical symptoms (1 in a million for just one
of them).

thank you everyone.

l.