[Libre-soc-bugs] [Bug 939] NLnet 2021 cavatools proposal 2021-08-071

[bugzilla-daemon at libre-soc.org]

https://bugs.libre-soc.org/show_bug.cgi?id=939

--- Comment #29 from Luke Kenneth Casson Leighton <lkcl at lkcl.net> ---
background: i have woken up pre-dawn, and had a fantastic
magical time watching the sunrise this morning. it is a lovely
sunny day and i thought, "i can continue replying". however
immediately on picking up my tablet and typing in the URL
to enter this reply, "butterflies" hit (adrenaline spike)
which i know means i am fearful of continuing this conversation,
and so *must* keep it short.

(In reply to Luke Kenneth Casson Leighton from comment #24)
> Date: Sat, 20 Jul 2024 01:50:18 +0200
> From: Michiel Leenaars <michiel at nlnet.nl>

> any embarrassment caused by your STATEMENT "you have not
> achieved the goals" i cannot help you with. you should
> have listened and ASKED THE QUESTION:

(context: this was *me* stating this, in desperation, when both
bob and michiel made an accusation "you haven't achieved the goal".
as an autistic - disabled - adult this was terribly distressing
as i am prohibited from contradicting other peoples' false statements,
due to the conflict and distress it causes)


> We did write:
> 
> "For each pending payment request, please ensure there is a final comment in
> the issue tracker indicating where to find the concrete outcome of the task,

given the abuse - which you have stated very clearly is not relevant,
are are *not listening* when i tell you repeatedly and desperately that
it is *extremely* relevant - this is just not practical in any way.

i said to you that you need to ask QUESTIONS.

you should have said, "is it possible, given the abuse that you have been
subjected to, that you can [ensure there is a final comment...] ?"

and the answer to that question, which you DID NOT ASK, is, realistically
"no", and i will now explain why.

> along with a description and justification of any deviations from the
> original description. We have attempted to understand your progress, but it
> is currently opaque and lacks the previous level of structure."

]yes, because DUE TO THE ABUSE i have been unable to focus, have memory
problems, organisation and planning difficulties, and much more. all
of it is documented here, as being damage to the Neuro-affect Circuit
https://www.drlamcoaching.com/blog/adrenal-fatigue-and-narcissism/

    Imbalances in this circuit can cause symptoms such as:

        * Mood disorders like anxiety and depression
        * Disordered and negative thinking
        * Neurodegeneration or the loss of neurons,
          bringing on age-related chronic conditions
        * Lowered stress tolerance
        * Feelings of impending doom
        * Poor sleep

     If you experience these symptoms as a result of AFS,
     it can complicate and worsen any issues that you’re suffering
     because of a narcissistic relationship. It will also impede your
     recovery and healing. This is why it’s so important that you
     understand the connection between adrenal fatigue and narcissism.

these are extremely serious symptoms, but the article in no way gives
the full picture.

* CALDERWOOD damaged relations between team members by refusing to leave
  a team meeting. he quit shortly after, taking knowledge which allows
  your question to be answered accurately and adequately AWAY from the
  project.  DUE TO THE ABUSE I WAS SUBJECTED TO, he NO LONGER REPLIES
  and i do not know exactly what he did.

* DUE TO THE ABUSE I WAS SUBJECTED TO, i was in such deep traumatic shock
  that i had to stop going on the project's IRC channel, leaving everyone
  in the team with no social cohesion or real-time technical advice.
  this in turn meant that even though *i* knew what was needed, the people
  who were less experienced were struggling with the tasks, and did not
  know to put in a "final report comment" for example.

> In other words: can you help translate the outcomes to the target audience,
> in line with the fact that this concerns tax payer money.

i have written too much above, placing me at risk by recalling traumatic
events which i know from experience it is dangerous to relate, so i have to
once again stop very soin

the honest and serious answer is: DUE TO THE ABUSE, the answer is "no i
personally on my own without serious help, cannot do so, even if it means
that i end up in serious financial jeapordy as a direct result of being
unable to answer".

as i said in the voicemail message left with you on friday (which i recorded
and
will place publicly online later), we *desperately need a different approach*
to ensure that i am not placed at risk, do not feel threatened, feel safe,
and can still as best is possible get you the answers that will satisfy
an Auditor.

summary: i have been attempting to emphasise for weeks now that you are
drastically underestimating the medical and physical effects of the ABUSE
on myself as a DISABLED autistic adult.

i have to go now.

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